Unusual Insurance Claims

Mr Fairclough was driving home from Christmas shopping when, on a bend, a car coming the other way had a huge Christmas tree badly tied to the roof. "He was driving too fast and I saw the tree lift off and it flew straight at me. The trunk created an awesome dent in my bonnet and caused me to run off the road and into a hedge." Mr Fairclough added: "The chap did not stop and he never came back for his tree so the Police said we could also have it. It wasn't funny at the time, but looking back it was like a comedy sketch!"



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A cat ran across the road and Mrs Carr did an emergency stop. Our claims handler explains: "As she stopped a Transit van hit her from behind and she thought she had run the cat over. She told me there was a terrible crash that did an awful lot of harm to the back. The van driver got out but didn't believe the story concerning the cat until amazingly, it ran out from under the automobile and disappeared still with eight lives left!"



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That's just what our claims handler thought when Mr Carlton stated he was driving household from the pub with a buddy and passing under the by-pass a sheep landed on the bonnet of the vehicle. "It had come from a lorry that had overturned on the by-pass and in fright it jumped over the parapet," Mr Carlton told her. He also kept telling her he hadn't been drinking! The automobile was a write-off, but Mr Carlton did not say what happened to the sheep!



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Miss Pownall, a nurse, was on her solution to function when a magpie flew in front of her. Says the claims specialist who took the call: "She started telling me concerning the saying about magpies you know, 'one for sorrow, two for joy' and wondered exactly where this was going! But she explained that saw one and was looking out for the second and promptly ran into the back of the automobile in front. She did not say no matter if she ever did see the second magpie, so perhaps there is some truth in the old story!"



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Mr Woodford was involved in a several accident in 'sleety snow' on the M62. "I was in the middle of about a dozen vehicles and my car was bashed front and rear," he told the AA. "The vehicles all crunched up like a concertina. Though we waited the chap from the vehicle in front took out, of all items, a concertina! He was supposed to be playing at a carol concert so he started playing Christmas carols for us rather!"



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Mr McGuinness was following his son who was about to trade in his automobile for a new 1. He made an emergency quit and regrettably Mr McGuinness ran into the back of his son's auto. "I caused a great deal of damage," he told our claims handler ruefully. "It meant the part exchange deal was off and my son couldn't obtain the vehicle he wanted right after all. I wasn't pretty common."



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This story truly did raise a smile. Miss Simpson discovered two into one will not go the challenging way at her neighborhood Asda automobile park. She told our incredulous call handler who ended up laughing with our customer who could see the funny side: "We both went into a space at the very same time and got jammed against the vehicles on either side. We were stuck fast and couldn't open the doors as well as the fire brigade had to rescue us. It was pretty embarrassing we had about a hundred individuals laughing at us."

Funny Insurance Claims Outside Of The Motor Industry

Extract from office worker's compensation claim form:

Agent of the injury: Drawer

How did accident occur: Drawer fell out and landed on my foot

Where was claimant injured: Foot



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(Years ago, my husband was driving the kids to preschool in our rural neighborhood. Out of nowhere a ten point buck [a very big deer] leapt out of the side bushes and smashed into the car. Luckily the only injuries were to the car. When the insurance company was called to file the claim, they wanted to know if the buck's feet were ON the ground or OFF the ground when it hit the car. "Why?" I asked. They said this would determine whether the claim was covered or not. I asked which one was covered. You can guess the rest, but I still wonder who is looking at feet when you are being charged by a huge animal! (Incidentally, feet ON the ground was covered. Their logic was seemingly that the car was hit by something, rather than vice-versa, if that makes sense. And for those who don't know, a 'ten point buck' refers to a big male deer with ten points, or tines, on its antlers.)



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I was reminded of one I read when working for a plumbing firm many years ago. A lady had claimed for a leaking toilet and had sent in the form like this: "The leaking toilet is reached through my back passage, but please tell the plumbers when they arrive that they must knock on the front door as my back passage is blocked with the things out of the toilet.."



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I once made a claim due to a broken washing machine. I put a load of washing on before going away for the weekend. On my return I found it to be stuck in a boiling cycle and my whole kitchen was nigh on destroyed by the steam. When I made a claim through my broker to the insurance company it was denied as I was not insured for steam damage! My broker quickly pointed out that water is H2O and the same chemical compound at steam! They were not having it. The judge, in the small claims court, did not even allow the insurance company's counsel to speak. He took two minutes to read out the case, laughed and said "Water is H2O as is steam - case for the plaintif." The claim was swiftly settled by an embarrassed insurance company.



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When I worked in personnel at an airline I handled claims for processing. I received the following explanation from the catering department: "Burned elbow while putting tongue into pot". Apparently the fellow was in the process of cooking tongue, which is then sliced for sandwiches. This was approximately 1960 when airlines had cooking facilities in the hangars.

Life Insurance Jokes

One day, an American life insurance company received a letter from a lady saying that unfortunately they have to cancel her husband's life insurance policy. 'We always paid it in time', she wrote, 'but since my dear husband's sudden death last year we have had some financial hardship; therefore, we would like not to pay it anymore'.

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Life insurance agent to would-be client:

"Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know."



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You ought to feel highly honored," said the businessman to the life insurance agent, "so far today I have had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents."

"Yes, I know," replied the agent, "I'm one of them."



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A life insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died.





This was his client´s startling answer. "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."



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A Life Insurance agent decides to take a good friend with him to the horse race track and enjoy the afternoon. When he returns home his wife asks, "How was your day, did you make any money."



He replies back "Well, I didn't make any money today, but my client sure learned how gambling with the numbers certainly doesn´t pay off."



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"Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?" the life insurance salesman asked his client.



"What do you mean?" countered the woman.



"If you should lose your husband, what would you get?" asked the salesman.



The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, "Probably a poodle."



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The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he could not answer the question about the cause of death of his father.



The salesman wanted to know why. After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged.



The salesman pondered for a moment. "Just write: ´Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.´"

Health Insurance Jokes

Several cannibals were recently hired by a health insurance agency. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don´t eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You´re all working very hard, and I´m satisfied with you. However, one of our CSR´s has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the CSR?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we´ve been eating Producers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the Customer Service Representative!"

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A health insurance agent is walking down the beach, sees a old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed off genie emerges.

She says "Normally I grant three wishes, but in your case, I am going to grant only one".

He thinks a minute and says - "OK, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed".

She says "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle.

Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hilary Clinton. He has no penis, a broken leg, and no health insurance!

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A brilliant man goes to the hospital one day. "Doctor, I think I'm too smart. I can’t communicate with other people because nobody else sees things the way I do and it's ruining my social life. Is there anything you can do?”

The doctor performs many test on the man, and finds that he is too smart for his own good. The doctor tells the man “Your IQ is 250, which is much greater than an average person. Luckily I can help you. I have a machine that will reduce your IQ to 160. You will still be very smart but you should be able to lead a normal life as well."

The man asks to receive the treatment immediately so the doctor straps him into the machine. Right after the doctor turns on the machine he gets a call from his ex wife and they have a heated argument for several minutes. All of the sudden the doctor remembers his patient and hurriedly turns off the machine, but is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.
The doctor asks, "Are you ok?"

The formerly brilliant man doesn’t respond

The doctor shakes him, yelling "Say Something."

The main replies "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"

Strange and unusual insurance policies

Lottery

Some insurance companies will provide a policy for business's that will pay out insurance if one or more workers wins the lottery and doesn't come back in to work.

Alien abduction

Some Insurance companies will insure you in case of alien abduction.


Satellites

Some insurance companies will allow you to take out an insurance policy that will pay out if you get hit by a piece of debris from a satellite falling from the sky.


Twins

Some insurance companies allow parents to take out a police in case they have twins! You have to have taken out the police first, before you know how many kids you'll have.


Speeding

Some insurance companies will let you take out an insurance policy in case you get caught speeding! The policy will cover you for up to 4 offences.


Parking tickets

Some insurance companies will cover you up to the value of 4 parking tickets.


Rabbit

Some insurance companies will allow you to take out a police in case anything happens to your pet rabbit.

Bricklayers Accident Report

This is supposedly a true account of an accident report filed by a bricklayer. 

Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor
planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller
explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

Lower Your I.Q.

A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I´m too smart. I´m having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it´s ruining my social life. Can anything be done?"