A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I´m too smart. I´m having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it´s ruining my social life. Can anything be done?"
Saturday, 30 April 2011
Funny Insurance Quotes
Last week I bought a retirement policy. All I´ve got to do is keep up the payments for 15 years and my agent can retire.
I thought my group insurance plan was fine until I discovered that I couldn´t collect until the whole group is sick.
I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand. All I´m sure of is that after I die, I can stop paying.
Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this: You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.
Buying insurance is what keeps people poor so that they can end up dying rich.
I thought my group insurance plan was fine until I discovered that I couldn´t collect until the whole group is sick.
I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand. All I´m sure of is that after I die, I can stop paying.
Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this: You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.
Buying insurance is what keeps people poor so that they can end up dying rich.
Genie Grants Insurance Salsman His Wish
A insurance sales rep, an insurance administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the insurance admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She´s gone.
They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the insurance admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She´s gone.
Friday, 22 April 2011
The Insurance Agent And The Genie
An insurance agent walking along the beach found a bottle.
When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."
When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."
Health Insurance Salesman Get's a Taste of Karma
When a young health insurance salesman met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.
"I´ll see Heaven first," said the health insurance salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to an eternity of musical produce.
"I´ll see Heaven first," said the health insurance salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to an eternity of musical produce.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Insurance Lyrmick
This is a short lyrmick about an insurance man who goes to heaven.
Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed,
Then I went to heaven, but only in my dream.
Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates,
He said "I must check your record, please stand here and wait."
Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed,
Then I went to heaven, but only in my dream.
Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates,
He said "I must check your record, please stand here and wait."
Insurance Agent Self Study Exam Joke
A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its insurance agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.
On the first day of the new requirements, an insurance agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late.
"You´ll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states.
"Just give me the test," replies the insurance agent, "I´ll finish it."
Suspiciously, the administrator gives the insurance agent the test.
The time limit comes and passes and yet the insurance agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the insurance agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.
"You can´t turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit."
"Do you know who I am?" replies the insurance agent.
"No", says the administrator.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the insurance agent says more forcefully.
"No, and I really don´t care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed.
"Good," says the insurance agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.
On the first day of the new requirements, an insurance agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late.
"You´ll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states.
"Just give me the test," replies the insurance agent, "I´ll finish it."
Suspiciously, the administrator gives the insurance agent the test.
The time limit comes and passes and yet the insurance agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the insurance agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.
"You can´t turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit."
"Do you know who I am?" replies the insurance agent.
"No", says the administrator.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the insurance agent says more forcefully.
"No, and I really don´t care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed.
"Good," says the insurance agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)